Poestmortem

Midnight strikes, I lose the wager, woken by a screeching pager,
Scarlet hue means issue’s major, major OOMing on the node.
SSH into the victim, tail and grep per playbook’s dictum,
‘Til revealed is cache eviction as what crumbled ‘neath the load.
Run a dump of heap and threading, start the steps for shedding load.
Who hath merged this wretched code?

Bleary eyes see dashboards healing, weary mind’s still looping, reeling,
Ired at some dev who’s stealing hours from my restful mode.
Fueled by spiteful indignation, trace the clues to bug’s location,
Spot the shabby computation, dismal waster of the node.
Desperate now to find the root of this nocturnal episode —
Who hath merged this wretched code?

git blame’s verdict fast unspools, indictments of the cowboy fools
Whose feeble floats and clumsy bools charred to ash beneath the load.
The term’nal casts a pallid glare on bloodshot eyes that, squinting, stare
At guilty method now laid bare and the author who is showed.
A curse escapes my lips as it’s plain to whom this crash is owed —

It was I who wrote the code.

Originally posted on Twitter (with more emoji)

🌔 A Poestmortem 📟

— Lincoln Atkinson (@LincolnAtkinson) August 21, 2018